Emotional Honesty

Often in the desire to find or maintain a relationship, many folks fall into the trap of being and doing things which aren't aligned with who they really are. What starts out as a small sacrifice can become a regular habit - giving in to please your partner. To be happy long term, all of us have to not only know ourselves well, but live and act in accordance with our authentic selves.

I call this being "emotionally honest". It sounds easier than it is. We are all conditioned that in order to be happy, we have to be flexible and willing to compromise in a relationship. I read somewhere recently where a woman said the secret to a happy marriage was to let her partner have the final say, to let things go.

I believe there's an important distinction that needs to be made here - it depends on what you are compromising on.

If we compromise on something things that matter deeply to us, we will eventually end up unhappy. If you are single and compromise on a less than ideal partner, the doubt and uncertainty will wear down the intimacy. If you are in a relationship and continually give in on what to you are important issues, you will lose respect and feelings for both yourself and your partner.

That's where emotional honesty comes in. By all means compromise, just not on the big stuff. You can't afford to. Continual half truths or agreements that you aren't happy with leads to resentment, unfulfillment and an erosion of intimacy. Don't think your partner will thank you for it either. Almost always the other person says they would far rather have known the truth at the time.

The idea then, is to know yourself well and follow through on that - make who you are and what you want an intrinsic part of how you behave. Let that be your guide, even if it means short term pain. Be honest with what is going on for you, and be clear with your partner or prospective partner the reasons why. More than anything, being true to yourself is where happiness starts.

When you do that consistently, you're then in a position to start giving and connecting with them from a position of strength and from a happy inner self. "To thine own self be true". Good words to live by.