Letter to God

Dear God,

Today is my birthday and I thank you for my life here on Earth. My friends and family have asked me repeatly what I wanted for my birthday this year. I have been pondering what to ask for this year. I have googled many items, flipped through all the catalogs sent to the house, and browsed all the colorful ads in the newspaper. So many awesome things available, and yet I need nothing.

It dawned on me as I was out for my morning run. I have two strong legs, two good ears to hear the air fill my smoke-free lungs, two eyes to see the beauty of nature, and the ability to feel the cold on my cheeks. I am able to breathe in the scent of the smoke of the fireplaces.

I have people in my life who love me. Most of these folks love me “as is” and readily forgive my weaknesses, faults, and mistakes. These are the ones who reach out to me when I start to retreat to that dark place I sometimes wander. I have people who smile and wave when they see me out for my morning run; stop to chat with me in the park. There are kind faces in public places; they smile at me and say hello. I have a multitude of online friends that stop by and say hello; total strangers to me but yet not. I have folks I can turn to for advice, support, a shoulder, listening ear, or as a sounding board that I appreciate dearly!

I have two wonderful children that I love to death; and still appreciate my advise and guidance; most of the time. I have beautiful grandchildren that remind me of the joys of childhood! I have a playful dog & two fat cats that shower me with attention and affection that I love to spoil. I am blessed with visits from red-tail hawks to remind me my departed loved ones are still near; I do so enjoy watching those hawks take flight.

I have all this, while others have so little; the poor children who are without food, clothing, and love. Those who go hungry, all the lonely and sad people in the world, and let’s not forget, those who serve our country in foreign soil unable to be with loved ones on their special day.

Although this year has been, and continues to be challenging, on the material level I need nothing! For all my needs have been fulfilled.

Today I discovered that for myself, I have nothing tangible to ask for this year.

So instead, God, can you be so kind as to sprinkle the lives of my children with blessings. Protect and guide them on the path you have designed for them. Let all of us enjoy good health, strength to overcome obstacles put in our paths, friends and family to love, the door of hate be closed and the door of love opened, plenty of food, warmth, and shelter. And especially bless those service members who are protecting the freedoms of others; keep them all safe, let them feel your precious love, warmth, and blessings.

Thank you...Amen

Setting Boundaries

So often in my practice I encounter clients that have long since given up on setting boundaries for themselves. Or perhaps they have set boundaries but continue to relocate the proverbial “line” in the name of love. They seek out advice on how to deal with the bad behavior or make him/her change! In most cases, it is not a matter of “does he/she really love me?” or “If he/she loved me they would behave a certain way.” Changing our relationship with ourselves and life is vital in order to make any long term changes in our relationships with others. It is vital to learn to respect and honor our selves, so that we can awaken to the need to have boundaries that let other people know that we deserve and demand respect.

The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves. We have not only the right, but are responsibility for how we allow others to treat us.

It is important to state our feelings out loud, and to precede the feeling with "I feel." When we say "I am angry, I'm hurt, etc." we are stating that the feeling is who we are. Emotions do not define who we are, they simply a inner form of communication that help us to understand ourselves. To verbalize, “I feel…” is accepting ownership of the feeling. It is important to do for ourselves. By stating the feeling out loud we are affirming that we have a right to feelings. We are affirming it to ourselves - and taking responsibility for owning ourselves and own feelings. Rather the other person can hear us and understand is not as important as hearing ourselves and understanding that we have a right to our feelings. It is vitally important to own our own voice—to speak up for ourselves.

Beware of those people who state they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome.

For me personally, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly. Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves - to protect ourselves when it is necessary. It is impossible to learn to love ourselves without owning our self - and owning our rights and responsibilities as co-creators of our lives. Do you set boundaries? Enforce them? Adjust them as you go along--move the proverbial line? I would love to hear from you!

Emotional Honesty

Often in the desire to find or maintain a relationship, many folks fall into the trap of being and doing things which aren't aligned with who they really are. What starts out as a small sacrifice can become a regular habit - giving in to please your partner. To be happy long term, all of us have to not only know ourselves well, but live and act in accordance with our authentic selves.

I call this being "emotionally honest". It sounds easier than it is. We are all conditioned that in order to be happy, we have to be flexible and willing to compromise in a relationship. I read somewhere recently where a woman said the secret to a happy marriage was to let her partner have the final say, to let things go.

I believe there's an important distinction that needs to be made here - it depends on what you are compromising on.

If we compromise on something things that matter deeply to us, we will eventually end up unhappy. If you are single and compromise on a less than ideal partner, the doubt and uncertainty will wear down the intimacy. If you are in a relationship and continually give in on what to you are important issues, you will lose respect and feelings for both yourself and your partner.

That's where emotional honesty comes in. By all means compromise, just not on the big stuff. You can't afford to. Continual half truths or agreements that you aren't happy with leads to resentment, unfulfillment and an erosion of intimacy. Don't think your partner will thank you for it either. Almost always the other person says they would far rather have known the truth at the time.

The idea then, is to know yourself well and follow through on that - make who you are and what you want an intrinsic part of how you behave. Let that be your guide, even if it means short term pain. Be honest with what is going on for you, and be clear with your partner or prospective partner the reasons why. More than anything, being true to yourself is where happiness starts.

When you do that consistently, you're then in a position to start giving and connecting with them from a position of strength and from a happy inner self. "To thine own self be true". Good words to live by.