Being Single on Valentines--9 Reasons to Love it!

For years, Valentine's Day has been understood as the holiday for sweethearts.  Whether in a committed relationship or simply dating it appears that St. Valentine's worked for Hallmark!  In a last ditch effort to become successful, he decided to create a holiday in his honor.  This is the one day a year that tortures those of us not part of a "couple".  The main reason for this particular holiday is not to honor the spirit of love and romance.  Oh no, its main goal is to pad the overflowing bank accounts of the florists, greeting card companies, and let's not forget the chocolate factories!  Within days of the New Year, every where you look, there's disgusting mixtures of red and pink!   The one time of year I start to detest my favorite colors! 

Personally, I think it is a shame that people are made to feel bad because they don't have a significant love in their life.  I have watched strong, self-sufficient, and perfectly sane people buckle under the pressures of this one holiday!  If you are without that significant other this year don't feel alone--there are many of us out here!  This year, I decide to come up with some reasons to love being single on Valentine's Day.  

1.  Heart Shaped Pizza - Papa John's has a heart shaped pizza available for Valentine's Day.  Having shared one with my son years ago when we both found ourselves alone at home on Valentine's Day, I can vouch for its deliciousness! 

2.  Save Money - You know what's expensive for Valentine's Day?  Everything!  Flowers, candy, dinner, VS underwear, heart splashed boxers, adult romance enhancers--everything!  Use your money for something really cool--like rent, phone bill, or auto insurance!  Of, better yet, treat yourself to a steak dinner after work one day! 

3.  No Reservations - Reservations are very hard to make on Valentine's Day.  Even White Castles takes reservations--bet they are already booked solid!  Being single on Valentine's Day requires no reservations; think of all the stress & frustration you are saving yourself! 

4.  No Candles -  A true romantic at heart, I love glazing adoringly into my sweethearts eyes across a dancing flame.  It's less romantic when your Himalayan feline brushes up against the candle flames, jumps on the back of your sofa, making his way across the sofa next to the sheer drapes while his fur is on fire!   Candles are fire hazards!  Trust me on this one--better play it safe!  

5. Rest - It's a Thursday before the weekend--rest up!  You have endured almost a full work week!  You deserve a rest.  How you going to make it through the weekend?  Thursday is a great rest day.  Stay home.  Order delivery.  Rent a movie.  Open a bottle of wine or 6 pack of your favorite beer & put on your sweats.  Avoid the craziness! 

6. No Roses - Did you know that the majority of flowers come from a country outside of the United States?  Did you know that many of these countries have the world's dangerous spider, banana spider?  There is nothing, I repeat...nothing stopping these deadly spiders from hiding in a rose!  Seriously, for this reason alone I am thankful I am single this Valentine's Day--not gonna let a spider kill me! 

7.  Chocolate - Chocolate is poison to dogs!  If your dog gets a hold of chocolate, he/she will die!  I have three chihuahuas--no way will I risk their lives over a heart shaped box filled with various types of chocolate.  As for humans, chocolate is definitely to die for!  And being single means you do not have to share--you get all of it! 

8.  Mom - Single or not, get mom something!  She gave birth to you, raised you, and put up with all your stuff over the years!  Doesn't have to be roses or chocolates.  Maybe a fancy card.  I don't know--figure it out.  Call her and tell her you love her--do something for mom! 

9.  Laugh - For a real good laugh, go to a Hallmark store on Valentine's Day and watch freaked out men try to pick out "the" card.  Or, if you really want a good belly laugh, visit the nearest convenient or grocery store- watch men fight over the shriveled remains of flowers in a last-ditch effort for romance! 

For all you single folks out there, how do you plan to spend your special day?  Whatever your relationship status here's to making the best of the most "romantic" day of the year!


Melody "Lil Mel"  McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Adviser
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching 
 (888) 626-7386 ext. 13152
http://www.lilmel.com
https://www.facebook.com/AdvisorLilMel 

Long Distance Relationships

Even when we are miles and miles apart;

you are still holding all of my heart...

Absence can make the heart grow fonder…or so they say. But let’s face reality, long distance relationships can be trying. Your loved one is far away. You don't know what they're doing, or who they're meeting! I have many clients that find themselves in this type of relationship, and then wonder why it is so challenging. As if relationships weren't complicated enough, having them across a long distance is extremely challenging.

The first key to success with any relationship and more important with long distance relationships is effective communication. Read that line again…effective communication is just that…effective communication. Not just talking folks! I know some clients that report daily conversations but leave so much unsaid! As most of us learned in high school speech class, effective communication is a process—and involves an exchange of thoughts, ideas, information, and emotions. It is important for both parties to be able to feel that if they need to talk or write to the other person, communication will be welcomed & the other party will participate in the communication process. 

The quality of the relationship is more likely to increase if both are able to share feelings openly with each other. The second key to success is a commitment to the relationship by both parties. The level or type of commitment and seriousness will be different for different couples. Being so far apart can be a scary and involves a level of risk for most couples. Therefore there must be a willingness on both sides to take risks—with a demonstrated level of a solid and secure trust between the two people. This doesn't mean that each person needs to skydive from a plane, but rather, that each person will trust that the other person's social life will not be a threat to the relationship. Trust is so important that if it isn't strong, you must make a conscious effort to work on it, both on your own and together as a couple. 

This point leads to the fifth key, independence for each person. Of course we should have a healthy level of dependence upon each other—without losing ones identity or independence. When there is an appropriate balance of independence and dependence, each person is allowed, even encouraged, to grow and change as an individual, which everyone needs.

The sixth key element should be naturally present, a mutual respect—for without mutual respect for one another, the rest doesn’t really matter. Finally, none of these other elements will guarantee a successful relationship if the seventh key element is not there--a clear expectations on the part of both people. It is so very important that you figure out your own personal expectations of the other person and the relationship, and then discuss them with the other person so that both of you are clear and/or can work out differences in expectations. Without this, each person is working on a very different relationship than the other, and problems are likely. In other words, make sure you both are at least reading the same book! 

One final point about long distance relationships is that you make time together quality time, and build in some alone time during visits. Do things that draw the two of you closer, rather than emphasize the distance between you. Even with the distance you can schedule 'time together'! Have date nights via the phone, computer, or video chat! Get creative--rent the same movie and watch it 'together' over the distance. Anything to maintain a bond or sense of togetherness in spite of the distance. 

Beware of the reunion anticlimax! When you get to see each other again, chances are both of you will have built up great expectations of how fantastic your reunion is going to be. However, the reality often doesn't match up to the fantasy. 

Many couples feel disappointed and frustrated when things aren't as they'd hoped. You may also find that rather than making love all day there are awkward silences or even arguments. Case in point, when a client's sweetheart returned from overseas tour of duty, she envisioned the typical long-lost love scene you see in the movies—with them making up for all that had been missed. The reality was that it took both of them some time to adjust to one another again. The awkward silences and miscommunication confused them, as they are very committed to one another; however, with time and understanding they were able work through the transition and are stronger for it. 

You can prevent this or minimize the awkwardness by making sure you've talked about how you want the reunion to be and recognizing that the anticipation is often better than the consummation! And remember, it may take time to get used to being around each other again.

Throughout time couples have had to be miles apart, and have been able to maintain a solid, happy, successful relationship until they could be together again. In order to find success, there are some key elements that are necessary, which have been explained above. Without these key elements, relationships may endure, although they may not be healthy or fulfilling ones.
(Re-posted from August 2010 by request)


Melody "Lil Mel"  McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Adviser
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching 
 (888) 626-7386 ext. 13152
http://www.lilmel.com
https://www.facebook.com/AdvisorLilMel 

Moon in Scorpio

With the Moon in Scorpio all day, we have the need to get to the bottom of things. All that is hidden, secret, taboo, or suppressed interest us at this time. Scorpio is based on eeriness, mystery, intuition, revival, durability. The emotions are intense and can be uncontrollably flowed upon the surroundings. When the Moon is in Scorpio, the subconsciousness becomes very active, intuition increases, the ability to understand the unexplainable, the mysterious.

Wondering where you stand with him/her? Is he/she just distracted -- or is there someone else in the picture? Get insights into what they are feeling and find out what you can do to win him/her back...or if you want them back! 

Keeping it short, and to the point! 10 Minutes may be all you need-voice or chat.

Melody "Lil Mel"  McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Adviser
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching 
 (888) 626-7386 ext. 13152
http://www.lilmel.com
https://www.facebook.com/AdvisorLilMel