A year ago, as I faced the beginning of a new year, I was filled with sadness, despair,uncertainty, and anxiety as I wondered what 2011 would bring. While others were filled with thoughts, excited,and celebrated what the new year would bring, I was at the lowest period of my year.
Surprised to find myself in that 'dark place' once again, I sat in tears as I looked back over the past two years and relived all the challenges, disappointments, struggles, changes, and personal losses I had endured. This time a year ago my little family had fallen apart--each lost in their own struggles and life challenges. My adult son was struggling with his own personal demons and desperately trying to crawl his way out of his own hell--paralyzed with fear as I watched the pieces of his life & family being destroyed by his demons. My youngest, my daughter, was devastated as her little fairy tale world crumbled around her--wondering what happened to the 'prince charming & happily-ever-after' story she dreamed of for so very long.
I watch helplessly as their worlds crumbled around them, knowing there was nothing I could do to "fix" their lives. Hell, I couldn't even fix my life at that time! I had made the choice to relocate to pursue a relationship that was unhealthy for me, with a man who did not love me 'as is' but as the woman thought he could mold me into, leaving me feeling unwanted, unloved, unworthy, and without a sense of 'belonging'. I was facing a major surgery for a knee injury and wondered how I would care for myself after the surgery and if I would ever be able to run again.
Yeppers--it was a very dark day for me a year ago today. But, true to form, God did not leave me in that dark place--He held my hand and lead me back to the light as He always does.
Fast forward through the year 2011 to present day--
We made it!! All of us--me, my son, & my daughter! My son, although he still has his challenges, has clawed his way out of that dark spot and implemented positive changes to his life. Making healthier choices for himself and his family--and becoming the man he always knew he could be! My daughter survived the crashing of the fairy tale & death of prince charming. She is emotionally healed, healthy, happy, and in her last semester of Pharmacy school.
As for me, I made the decision to reclaim my self-esteem, self-worth, and my life! The first step was removing myself from an unhealthy situation & relationship and be true to myself. I relocated back to my home and began the healing process. Surrounding myself with my family, those who love and accept me 'as is', and healthy activities I found my 'happy spot' again!
As for me, I made the decision to reclaim my self-esteem, self-worth, and my life! The first step was removing myself from an unhealthy situation & relationship and be true to myself. I relocated back to my home and began the healing process. Surrounding myself with my family, those who love and accept me 'as is', and healthy activities I found my 'happy spot' again!
All those worries about not being able to run again? In October 2011 I ran and finished the Rock n Roll Marathon--all 26.2 miles! Running the marathon reminded me of my life. Life, like running a full marathon, is not easy-- at times it's tough, times we want to quit, times we have to stop and gather the strength to continue...but if we keep putting one foot in front of the other we will eventually cross that finish line!!!!
2011: Wow, what a ride!
2012: Here we Come--BRING IT ON!!!