Reflections: Out of Chaos comes Sanity

A year ago, as I faced the beginning of a new year, I was filled with sadness, despair,uncertainty, and anxiety as I wondered what 2011 would bring.  While others were filled with thoughts, excited,and celebrated what the new year would bring, I was at the lowest period of my year.  

Surprised to find myself in that 'dark place' once again, I sat in tears as I looked back over the past two years and relived all the challenges, disappointments, struggles, changes, and personal losses I had endured.  This time a year ago my little family had fallen apart--each lost in their own struggles and life challenges.  My adult son was struggling with his own personal demons and desperately trying to crawl his way out of his own hell--paralyzed with fear as I watched the pieces of his life & family being destroyed by his demons.   My youngest, my daughter, was devastated as her little fairy tale world crumbled around her--wondering what happened to the 'prince charming & happily-ever-after' story she dreamed of for so very long.  

I watch helplessly as their worlds crumbled around them, knowing there was nothing I could do to "fix" their lives.  Hell, I couldn't even fix my life at that time!   I had made the choice to relocate to pursue a relationship that was unhealthy for me, with a man who did not love me 'as is' but as the woman thought he could mold me into, leaving me feeling unwanted, unloved, unworthy, and without a sense of 'belonging'.  I was facing a major surgery for a knee injury and wondered how I would care for myself after the surgery and if I would ever be able to run again.  

Yeppers--it was a very dark day for me a year ago today.  But, true to form, God did not leave me in that dark place--He held my hand and lead me back to the light as  He always does. 

Fast forward through the year 2011 to present day-- 

We made it!!   All of us--me, my son, & my daughter!  My son, although he still has his challenges, has clawed his way out of that dark spot and implemented positive changes to his life.   Making healthier choices for himself and his family--and becoming the man he always knew he could be!  My daughter survived the crashing of the fairy tale & death of prince charming.  She is emotionally healed, healthy, happy, and in her last semester of Pharmacy school.  


As for me, I made the decision to reclaim my self-esteem, self-worth, and my life!  The first step was removing myself from an unhealthy situation & relationship and be true to myself.  I relocated back to my home and began the healing process.   Surrounding myself with my family, those who love and accept me 'as is', and healthy activities I found my 'happy spot' again!  

All those worries about not being able to run again?  In October 2011 I ran and finished the Rock n Roll Marathon--all 26.2 miles!  Running the marathon reminded me of my life. Life, like running a full marathon, is not easy-- at times it's tough, times we want to quit, times we have to stop and gather the strength to continue...but if we keep putting one foot in front of the other we will eventually cross that finish line!!!! 

2011:  Wow, what a ride!   

2012:  Here we Come--BRING IT ON!!!  

Happiness is Worth It

I recently received an email recently from a client I dealt with last year. It was great to hear from her. The nature of this profession is that I mostly talk to people when they are in crisis or when things aren’t going so well, and I often wonder how they are doing and what has happened in their life.

I found this email inspirational. She had a tough time last year. Things had not turned out for him the way she had hoped. She was at the end of her 25 year marriage and things weren’t looking so great.

She could have been angry, bitter and resentful at how things had unfolded. Instead, she decided to get on with it. She learnt what she needed to learn, grieved when she needed to grieve and most of all took responsibility for her part in the process.

A year on, having done her work, she’s now able to move on with her life. She deserves happiness and has found it – good for her.

There are no sure things in life. Sometimes it simply doesn’t turn out the way we want it to. We can’t control other people or events the way we would like to sometimes. We can however, control what we do about it.

The happiest people I know don’t need a reason or event to be happy – they simply are happy because they choose to be, and if they’re not, they do something about it. A former co-worker of mine was unbelievably, disgustingly happy and positive all the time. If you ask him how he is he would say, ‘fantastic’ or ‘terrific’ or ‘couldn’t be better’. And guess what his life was like. Yup – fantastic, terrific and couldn’t be better. You just had to smile around him – he’s a real gem.

Imagine if everyone truly felt like that about life. Radical thinking!

Wisdom comes with experience, good or bad, it doesn’t really matter which as long as you learn from it. My client from last year has. She would not be where she is now without growth, experience and the desire to be happy. At the end of the day, that’s all any of us want, isn’t it – to be happy? Sometimes it isn’t easy, but it’s always worth the effort!

Melody “Lil Mel”

Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching

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Christmas Through the Eyes of a Child

The joy that Christmas time brings is never more apparent than when seen through the eyes of a child. If you are a parent or grandparent, then you probably know how much this holiday means to the children in your life.

Close your eyes and think back…

Do you remember the joy you felt at Christmas when you were a child? Do you recall the first decorated store window? Seeing twinkling lights, pretty dolls, and shiny trucks that filled you with excitement and wonder? Everything was so innocent; so magical. Every kid filled with anticipation of Santa's arrival. Oh how they must be good because Santa could see everything they did!

A lover of Christmas and all its wonders, this holiday season is more special to me because I have been experiencing it through the eyes of my 3-year old grandson! So far this season we have taken in St Louis Festival of Lights, marched down Olive St following Santa to Macy’s department store, enjoyed curbside seating for the Thanksgiving Parade, and today rode the Holiday Magic Train to Edwards Jones Dome to visit the large indoor winter wonderland called Holiday Magic!

As we spent the day strolling through the magical holiday wonderland, I was reminded of the joy of being a child and the magic of Christmas through the eyes of my grandson. His eyes still sparkle with a fascination for the unseen, the fantastical, the impossible, and the magical. Every moment is an opportunity to laugh and dream, to do what we adults call playing, pretending, or make-believe. But there is nothing pretend about space rangers, cowboys, cowgirls, transformers, and super heroes, and the "bad guys" for my little grandson. This is his world. And perhaps, it is ours, too.

Christmas is a day to be reminded of one child's birth and gives us a chance to return to a time of innocence. To become children again and see the world with wonder – not the world as it is-- but what should be. We can't merely make the decision to do this. We need a child to lead the way, to show us what years of pain & disappointment have blinded us to. Seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child is the only way to see it, the only way to get past ourselves and believe again.

May Christmas always bring you an ageless magic to fill the heart and eyes of the child that lives in you.

Holiday Traditions: Ever-Changing

Normally stressed about the impending holiday season, I often complained, "I'm not doing this again next year!" Whether its decorating the entire house for Christmas, accommodating schedules for a Thanksgiving meal, or resolving conflicts over the timing of that darn Christmas Eve get together--each year I experienced these once welcomed traditions as dreaded events.

These traditions began when my children were small and after my divorce. Since my former husband's family lived out of state and gathered on Christmas Day, I created the Christmas Eve get together as a special way to celebrate with my children. Opening presents Christmas morning at home with me, they would leave immediately after to spend the rest of the Christmas break with their father and his family. Over the years, as children got older moved away and have families of their own the value of the event grew into the highlight of my year! I loved keeping these traditions and enjoyed these time honored traditions and looked forward to preparing the celebration for many years.

Today, my children and grandchildren gather at this traditional event. The difference is that they all have other family traditions to honor & scheduling is often a conflict. The original meaning of these holiday gatherings have changed. They no longer represents drawing people together with anticipation and excitement. Now it is one more chore, a sign that the tradition needs updating.

"Can you change traditions?" I wondered

Of course you can--our holiday traditions have been slowly changing; evolving over the years.

One of the highlights of the holidays was the week before Christmas baking with my daughter. We would bake cookies, cakes, breads, and make up treat trays! Not only did we bake for our small family, we made up trays for family members, co-workers, neighbors, & other important people in our lives. Another highlight, was driving down to Kentucky to visit my mother & siblings for a weekend--delivering the holiday trays, spending time together, exchanging gifts and swearing we should do this more often. Of course we could only handle the one weekend together (sometimes less) but it was fun for the short time we had. :)

However, due to hectic schedules & time constraints, over the past few years the baking was replaced by store bought baked goods. The trips to Kentucky were less frequent & ceased completely after my mother's passing last year. Although these are cherished memories, with the families growing, changing, distance, and time constraints maintaining all those holiday traditions is too difficult and sometimes too painful. For example, my mother used to talk me through making meatballs via the phone and webcam. We would laugh & giggle our way through my feeble attempts to recreate her award winning meatballs!! I haven't made meatballs since her passing. My friend Jo related a story how she & her mother did the holiday baking together and played cards while waiting on the cookies--she hasn't baked since her mother passed away. Sad...but it happens.

Hearing similar stories caused me to reflect my own changing holiday traditions.

"What's really important about holidays?" I asked myself. For me, the point of holidays is spending time with the ones I love and care about. To show each person how I really care about them. Tears sprang to my eyes as I thought of those cherished memories of those no longer with us, with the "traditions" that can never be again. Then a light went on, perhaps my mom flipping the switch for me, some of my traditions are outdated and lost their meaning. With this awareness I decided it's time to create new ones!

This holiday season I have taken a more flexible attitude when it comes to scheduling time with family. Searching for fun inexpensive or free holiday events, I have numerous things schedule to do either on my own, with grandson, or any family member that is able to attend. Thanksgiving morning was spent at the big parade downtown St Louis with my son & his family, a first for us, but so much fun. The Thanksgiving meal wasn't served until the evening time after my daughters arrival--another first for us! As for the "traditional" Christmas Eve get together...I will have to see what everyone's schedule is like! As long as we spend some time together it doesn't matter if it's Christmas Eve, Day, or even the day after Christmas! :) Maybe this year I will make meatballs...won't be the same, but I betcha I can find a smile or two as I relieve some cherished memories of my mom.

As this holiday season approaches filled with past traditions and rituals, take time to reevaluate the meaning of your traditions. Are they still providing the original meaning? Is a tradition creating more stress than value? Is there another way to convey meaning that would be simpler or more effective? If it's significant, maintain it. If it has lost its purpose or meaning, create a new one.

May you have a happy and meaningful holiday season!

Living in Truth & Intergrity

Are you living a life of "Truth & Integrity"?

We are living in times of a great challenge and great awakening.
We are being called upon to remember the simple and profound truth of who we really are. Now is the time to be very honest with yourself. To be true to yourself in how you live your life; all your activities and your words.

To create a life of truth & integrity, you must let go of anything that is not the real you, and those activities that do not show your true intentions. If something in your life isn't working, now is the time to let it go. If you desire change and speak of change, let your actions reflect change.

For years I voiced my concern over how unhealthy my smoking habit was but I did nothing to change it. Finally, 6 years ago I decided that my addiction to smoking was unhealthy and unacceptable way of life for me leading me to the conscious decision to overcome this addiction. Having made the decision was only the first step, following up with actions was necessary to complete the transaction. Putting down the cigarettes, seeking out medical assistance, and developing a support system to overcome my addiction were necessary actions. By following up my words with actions that mirrored my desire to "kick the habit" , I was living in truth & integrity.

The above is but one simple example of living within your own truth & integrity. Releasing unhealthful situations, attitudes, or behaviors begin with the spoken desire to change--followed with actions to facilitate change.

You want to be a kinder person?
Then practice acts of kindness.

You want to be more loving?
Then practices acts of love.

Want to rid yourself of bad habit or addiction?
Then takes actions to STOP!

You love someone?
Your actions should reflect this love.

Value your relationships?
Your behavior should reflect the value you place upon them.

You want to be honest?
Then practice honesty in ALL situations!

The list goes on & on, but you get the idea.

Now is the time, "Let go of anything inauthentic, and all activities that do not mirror your highest intentions for yourself." (Dorreen Virtue)